Latihan experiences before being opened

My first experience came when I was about 14 years old. My mother - a professional artist, came to me one day and said I was now old enough to give her advice on how to promote her work. I told her that I did not really know anything. My mother insisted and said she felt I could help her. To placate her I said I would try.

I went into my room and was at a complete loss. But then, for some unknown reason, I asked something like this:

"If there is anything out there, please help me to help my mother."

Immediately I was able to clearly analyse my mother’s situation and to see ways of promoting her work that would fit her budget.

At the time, I thought nothing of it. It took more than 40 years to understand what had happened. My mother did not follow my advice. But 30 or so years later, she hired a marketing consultant to design a promotion for her and to set up the advertising, etc. The first three of the ideas that I had received, were the first three of his recommendations!

I started college and at the end of the first year, I was pondering my future when I decided to turn the decision over to a higher power. I asked:

"What should I study?"

Immediately I received a clear understanding that I should study science.

While at college, I had many experiences which I now know were forms of guidance. There were many statements made by professors which I could not accept. Some of those in Physics were later shown to be false. After I had been in Subud for many years, I saw that I had rejected many of them for reasons which became clear to me after reading what Bapak had to say about the world.

In 1962, I took a course in Israeli dance forms. I was having trouble with the Elephant Step. At home I was trying to find the way to do it correctly. I kept feeling that my approach was basically wrong. I finally said something like this:

If there is anything out there, please help me to get this dance step right.

Immediately I felt what I now know was the latihan and I was moved to do the dance steps correctly. I also was able to synchronise the drum beats correctly and was shown a singing which went with it. This experience was so pleasant that I tried to get it to happen again. Each day I was able to receive some of what I had on the first day, but it was a little less. Finally I was unable to make any contact at all. Now I understand that I was trying to reach the latihan with my mind, which only drove it away. The dance I was learning was the dance the Yemeni had created to replace their Jewish prayers, since that type of prayer was forbidden to them by their Yemeni masters.

Whether to believe in God or not?

In 1963 I had a philosophy class. My teacher said:

"At this point, it is common for students to make a choice as to whether to believe in God or not."

I went home and remembered reading somewhere that all the Universe could be revealed in a leaf. I was seriously trying to decide whether I should believe in God or not. I went for a walk and tried to be in a quiet state so that I could make a correct decision.

I reached up and plucked a leaf from a tree and suddenly was transported into outer space. It was all black around me and ahead I could see stars – but very small and far away. I next felt a sense of falling and landed back in my body with a kind of shock. My body was falling to the ground. A woman who saw me thought I was crazy and called the police, who drove me home. I could not explain to them what had happened. I then went to my room and said:

"God, if you exist, I would like to believe in you because if I do not, then it seems to me that this world would be a meaningless place."

After that, I frequently woke up with a shock in the night feeling that same sensation of falling back into my body. I seldom remembered anything of what happened. In 1968, I was married in a sense. Our marriage lasted for 4 years but had never been consummated due to my wife’s having been raped some time before we were married. One night, we went to dance and a friend of ours was acting very strangely. She told me she had been "Opened in Subud" that night and had seen a clear pool of water with beautiful, colourful leaves floating in it and had been drawn toward the water through the latihan. I thought she had been given drugs without knowing it. She said the Subud people were like brothers and sisters and really made you feel at home.

Two weeks later, my wife started divorce proceedings. Feeling lonely, I finally wound my way to the Subud Hall in downtown L.A. I immediately felt at home. I came every time anyone was there. I sat outside the men’s latihan and then talked with members. After my first visit I began to have moments of latihan (to me it was just a repetition of the experience I had had with the Israeli dance). I did not associate it with Subud.

One day I was told that Bapak was in town. I did not know who Bapak was! I had been coming to the Subud group for more than three months and so was eligible to be opened, so I went to get opened. At the reception desk I was asked if I had filled out a probationer’s card and signed it? I had not. I was then told that I could not be opened or see or listen to Bapak. I asked whether I could sit outside where he was talking so that I could at least see him? I was told that I could, although it was "against the rules."

I went and sat down. After about 5 minutes Bapak walked out with Mas Usman and others. Just before he went out he stopped, turned, and smiled directly at me. Immediately I felt a strong sense of peace which lasted for two days. I do not know how I drove home, since I was not easily able to control my limbs.

I did not think that I had been "opened" This was somewhat like what I had experienced before and so I thought of it like that -- a personal experience.

I was officially opened on August 8, 1968 in a group of more than 20 helpers. But after the latihan was over, I thought I had not been opened because it felt so much like what I had previously experienced!

The above covers most, but not all of my pre-opening experiences with the Latihan.

Mutahar Hickey, USA