The Latihan Gate - David Likas

'What is difficult for man, is easy for God' - Subuh

When something unusual happens, we have to wait for the test of time to know if what happened is really true. I realize now that my own evidence of forty years is long enough to tell about a life journey that eventually led me to Subud. A review of my own life has revealed that some episodes would never be told if it were not for the kind help of a spiritual messenger called Subuh and the gift of grace he brought to my wife Micheline and I in 1959. I will begin with some of my early background, if only to make my story more clear.

In late 1929, I was 10 months old when my mother left me with my grandmother in a village hamlet in Lithuania so that she could join my father, who had left earlier to prepare the way for our new life in America. Five years later and with war clouds over Europe, my grandmother sent me off alone to meet my 'new parents' in Canada.

EARLY PORTENTS

Around the age of ten, I felt very attracted by an article in the press about a ' Mysterious Power of God' that had touched certain persons in history. And so, whether it was real or imagined, sometimes I felt a mysterious 'something' watching and waiting like some shadow throughout my school years and later, and this always moved me to search for more meaning to my existence.

However, my spiritual search really began during high school where there was regular Gospel study by Catholic teaching clergy. It had become my teenage habit to read the Gospels twice during Easter and after a few years, Jesus had become like a close friend. I began to feel that somehow I would come close to a high spiritual being during my lifetime.

When I inquired about the true meaning of the parables in the scriptures, I was told that to understand the truth I must first receive Grace from the Holy Spirit or as we say in Subud, the power of God. Today I know this was the best answer I would ever get before coming to Subud. I knew then only that some people were good, that others pretended to be good and that I was trying to be good.

HEROES, BARBELLS & HALOES

One childhood hero who really fascinated me was the comic book 'Superman', a fearless and benevolent being, who was stronger than an ordinary human. This was no mystical escape artist but a higher type of human from a greater world, which to me was a symbol of some unknown possibility. Bible stories of Samson's power that was somehow received directly from God, were similarly awesome.

But how was this ever possible to obtain for someone such as I was? I could only hope to imitate their physical strength. Such super heroes inspired me to adopt the body builder's credo, 'MENS SANA IN CORPORE SANO' (a sound mind in a sound body) while the pioneering health entrepreneurs Joe and Ben Weider of Montreal supplied me with the necessary technique and physical training equipment.

David Likas
 

The art of muscle building was relatively new in the early fifties and still frowned upon by the medical world. However, after three years of serious physical training and the help of many malted milkshakes, I was sometimes stopped by people wanting to know how I got my physique and how could they get some of the same development. This was my first proof that something probably good was really noticeable! Of course my spiritual body would also need development. All I had to do then it seemed was to find someone to train me in spiritual culture and then, presto - strangers perhaps noticing some halo would also ask me how to get such development!

The legendary St. Christopher had further inspired me to train and work at life guard duty during my school vacations, where I was impressed by childhood heroes and Olympic champions like Johnny Weissmuller (Tarzan) and Buster Crabbe (Flash Gordon) who participated during national swimming events at the Verdun Natatorium, and it was there that I met Micheline (same birthday) who was training at figure skating.

While I felt that physical and mental discipline were essential, at least for a healthy life, I still hoped to find a way to change the defects in my character. But every time I thought I had found a way to improve my inner self by some vegetarian diet, knowledge or spiritual technique, I began to notice that only my body, intellect and will would get stronger, which only made me feel superior to others.

THE HOUND OF HEAVEN

My frail inner self had gradually acquired a strong suit of Charles Atlas type armor plus an intellectual shield for protection from physical and even mental bullies. But there was no halo, and there was always a nagging feeling that such armor would not last even this lifetime. Thus began a frustration with my search for inner development using physical and mental techniques. Instead, I began to feel more and more some 'unseen power', like a following shadow, that reminded me of some haunting lines from an early school poem, "The Hound of Heaven" by F. Thompson:

Came on the following Feet, and a Voice above their beat -
"All things betray thee, who betrayest Me."

The explanations of some spiritual guides were at first exciting, but soon they would appear to me dark and suspicious on closer examination. Besides, there was a warning that always troubled me - "Take heed that the light ye seek is not darkness." I began to suspect that my mind was groping for the everlasting Kingdom of God in the same way we would joke about trying to lift ourselves by our own bootstraps at the gym.

'SOMETHING WILL HAPPEN SOON….'

Micheline and I were married in May /57 by Dr. Katsunoff, a wise United Church minister, who sometimes gave talks at the Montreal Theosophical society. Soon one November evening, I answered a knock at our door and there stood like an apparition, the robed towering figure of an aging Catholic monk with a majestic Oriental beard and a large shining cross around his neck! After our many religious and spiritual discussions, he mentioned his concern that my spiritual searching might get me lost in the occult world of mysticism. Shortly he passed away and I continued, as I was taught at home and at school, to pray to God for help.

One night in late 1958, I awoke feeling and hearing that my skull was being crushed as in some steel vise and in agonizing pain I cried out, "Oh God, I'm dying!" In the following days, I began to have a strong feeling of expectation, like an electric charge all around me, and I began to laugh and repeat out loud, at home and even at the office that - "Something is going to happen soon!" I remembered more lines from 'The Hound of Heaven', and wondered -

Nigh and nigh draws the chase.....
Deliberate speed, majestic instancy,
Came on the following Feet, and a Voice above their beat -
"LO! naught contents thee, who content'st not Me."

Within a month, I received a call from a yoga acquaintance about a meeting that was being held by Isabel Hamilton concerning a new spiritual way that I might find interesting.  After this meeting, everyone took turns to quickly read a single copy of 'Concerning Subud'.  Two weeks later in February 1959, John G. Bennett and his wife arrived to transmit the Subud contact to over 100 people in Montreal an environs.  This was obvious proof to me that God does work through everything that he has created.

THE BRAIN OPERATION

Later on here, I will relate how my early career before Subud began with great difficulty or until I could work in my Hi-Tech world with ease and confidence. Even then, my spiritual understanding was still almost like the brainless scarecrow looking for the 'great wizard' along the yellow brick road. An early dream experience after joining Subud may have been a premonition that a 'wizard' was indeed making some alterations……

Soon after my opening I had a dream in which I came to a place surrounded by medical doctors.

There was a body lying on an operating table and I was surprised to see that it was my own. Then I saw that the brain had been removed and was lying on another table. Sections of the brain appeared dark and defective and I asked the doctors how he could live like this. Besides, I could not understand how they could put the brain back with all the defective parts cut off and inquired how the nerves could be reconnected successfully. At the same time, a doctor with a brown complexion appeared and said, "Ah, but let us show you what we are doing." I looked inside the head through the top of a lid like opening and to my amazement saw new brain tissue growing inside the empty skull.

It looked like this new brain tissue was being cultivated on the spot as a replacement for my old brain and I remarked with amazement that so much work was being done to help me.

WORKING WITH MATERIAL FORCES

My own life interests have always been in pioneering and innovation-things that have never been done before. Although I was not an intellectual, soon after my opening it seems I became visible to my employers. For example, when hired by an engineering firm on a trial basis, I would soon be reporting, with some trepidation as a junior directly to the management to help develop project concepts. One R & D manager remarked, "Don't worry, we can easily hire people with all sorts of academic degrees to help you; it's people with real innovative ability that are difficult to find."

Curiously, I was successful only if I worked at my real talent, what I really liked to do; then the doors would 'fly open' and I would laugh as some seemingly invisible force propelled me in the right direction. Also, because I could be aware of the actions of the nafsu or passions on my own and other people's behavior, I was able to work amicably with headstrong leaders and very clever but sometimes deceitful people.

To be sure, every job was usually an exhausting effort but somehow easy because the Power of God was there. Being an average person, I was constantly amazed at my success in my chosen field of work, notwithstanding my obvious eye difficulty that I will relate further on.  So in this way, I am certain I had invisible help that moved me successfully during my early career in industrial, nuclear, and aerospace engineering.

ALONG THE WAY TO THE LATIHAN GATE

Subud can be a long and steady struggle to allow one's inner content to be slowly corrected by the Highest Authority. Later, the true meaning of religions, spiritual ways and fables began to be revealed to me through the Subud latihan and Subuh's explanations, as to what came from God and what came from someone's mind. Bapak often reminded that 'truth' could be found in religion and that an enterprise develops talent, but I found there was more to this than met the eye.

I began to understand a mysterious Gospel message: "Straight and close is the gate and narrow is the way that leads to God. Wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads into this world." (Mathew 5-32)

I had long wondered which way was 'the narrow way' and who has 'the key' to open 'the straight gate'. Then I realized that -

'BAPAK'S EXPLANATIONS' are like 'A NARROW WAY' that prevents speculating about 'other ways' and wandering about on the way to 'the straight gate', the latihan, that is always ' close' to the inner feeling and the power of God.

The gradual effect of the latihan and Subuh's constant clarifications had proved to me that the heart and mind is useful only for ordinary work in a material world.  In that way, an enterprise occupies the heart and mind and keeps them from straying on the way to the Latihan that is 'close' to the inner feeling and the power of God!

As part of a longer enterprise story, in 1970 I built a 30 ft cruiser from plans, and with our 2 children we traveled up the St. Lawrence seaway to Ontario where soon we built a marine yacht harbor. Then we started a tourism business by building 40 ft houseboats while Micheline became a  production master potter in porcelain. I called this episode our 'Purification by Enterprise' and this venture is related with many photos in my article -"My Search for Proof in Subud" -on the Subud Canada website:

http://www.subudcanada.org/members1.htm#4

AN EARLY TALENT DENIED

It's easy to say that nothing really happens or improves in us in Subud, but when it does it soon fades into memory as something rather ordinary. To go back a bit, there is one Subud episode worth telling because it involved the help of Providence and more than one intervention by Bapak. These 'Subud experiences' were indeed fortunate for my life.

At about the age of 10 it became evident that I had a problem in the left eye resulting from a childhood injury. The problem was glaucoma, a painful and destructive pressure on the retina that can blind slowly or overnight. In my case, it was possible to control the pressure for almost 25 years with medicine and surgery. I have seen many less fortunate who had their eyes removed because they did not seek immediate medical help.

My parents and I became concerned quite early that my budding talents and aspirations would rely heavily on the use of my eyes. I always had a strong interest in Aviation, and I envied Micheline who at 18 already had her pilot's license. I began my own flight training, but soon found there was no way that I could pass the medical eye standards for any career in aviation. Soon I discovered that even much more would be an uphill struggle.

My next greatest disappointment after graduating in electrical engineering was to be refused a job in the design office of a big electrical company. I was told I would never be able to do that kind of work, because it was well known there was no cure for my kind of eye problem. My doors were closed! Like Mozart's nemesis Salieri, I even considered complaining to God.

Instead, I remembered Gurdjieff's advice that sometimes it's necessary to cheat a little for a good cause, and so I memorized all the eye test charts to 'assist' my poor left eye. I passed with flying colors for my first design job with a big electronics firm! These were very interesting but short-term military contracts to build Northern radar sites and flight simulators for the USAF.

I remember being very impressed by the scientific knowledge of the long bearded staff with equally long doctorate degrees, but I was astonished they were like children outside their expertise. However, after a 4-year stretch at unpredictable contract jobs, God began to grease the squeaky wheel by finding a new access to my 'closed door' - without cheating!

'THE CONVICT FROM AUSTRALIA'

In 1954, a glass container factory was being built in Etobicke, Ontario - while the engineering office was in Montreal. I had never given up hope of finding the design work that I really loved to do. On a tip from someone I had met on those odd jobs, I was then very fortunate to be hired by a civil engineer, a Mr. Cecil Kemp, who was the general manager and also the chief engineer of this national glass industry. He noted my red eye situation and also my enthusiasm and very kindly offered to take me under his wing.

Mr. Kemp believed that, as with Don Quixote, it was impossible to stop the expression of a true talent. He was a Canadian, born of Australian immigrants, who I must say here was an amazing and startling double of the actor Humphrey Bogart! He had the same exact voice and even very similar tough facial features, and would refer to himself as "the convict from Australia" or sometimes as "just a rough diamond" whenever he would suddenly appear in the office wearing a diamond worth $100,000 on his shirt collar! (He was an investor in diamonds.) His character, voice and talent was truly an extraordinary combination to watch in action!

Even with his many management responsibilities, Mr. Kemp was a master designer and a bit of a mystic, who still liked to draw at every opportunity. He could design and dimension in clear impeccable detail large structures and factory buildings, and layout their massive systems without hesitation. Always trying new ideas with buildings and machinery, he often worked quietly behind a tilted drawing board at the back of the engineering office. Sometimes his wife would arrive at midnight with a meal "to keep the convict alive", because he would then "go mystical" and receive his best ideas "with pictures" after midnight.

Here I was allowed to work freely around the clock at all engineering stages, so my talents soon turned into real abilities. So this episode was a providential 'over the wall ' catapult to replace my closed employment door, - with topnotch tutor supplied! Soon however, I came up against a new and formidable wall.

THE 'IMPOSSIBLE' EYE CURE

Two years after joining Subud, my left eye condition became uncontrollable by any known medical method short of removing the eye; also there were warnings of a sympathetic reaction in the good eye. The helpers in Montreal agreed that I should ask Bapak himself since it was very serious. Then I remembered something curious Bapak said during his previous visit about medical practice, even as he glanced at me, that, "Once the knife is used, it may have to be used again….", but then he added, "but the hand of the physician can also be guided by God!" I did not realize then this was a 'pending revelation' in reference to myself, and instead I thought about a worst case scenario of having my eye removed.

Bapak replied immediately by cable from Jakarta saying that a Dr. Adams in Montreal was "a peaceful person" and he wished me a "speedy recovery"! Adding he would - "pray to Almighty God that you will soon be well!" Yet this very hopeful reply seemed most improbable if not ridiculous at the time.

However, after much deliberation with a team of eye specialists, a very sincere Dr. Adams finally said to me one day that the eye was hopeless and an imminent threat to the good eye, also that there was nothing left he could do, and he did not like surgery "just to cut holes in people".

This dreadful ultimatum brought a long silence as I stared at him in breathless disbelief. I began to tremble and remember the words of Bapak's reply in a disembodied state of shock, when to my surprise I replied, "But surely there still must be something you can do!" Dr. Adams suddenly appeared stunned as he leaned back in his chair, raised his arms upward and exclaimed aloud, "My God, but what are we going to do?" He sat holding his head for a long while, then without a word, he began a very determined and forceful examination.

After a long strenuous effort by Dr. Adams and a strong feeling of hope in myself, he finally said, "I can hardly believe what I see now and it gives me an idea. Except such a surgical procedure would not be in any medical text-book, however, if I can convince the medical board to try such surgery, will you agree to the risk?" I replied that I had nothing to lose. Ever since this unique operation, I have had no further problem with the eye, - so twenty-five years of hopeless eye trouble was wiped out in a few minutes! A "speedy recovery" indeed!

I became a well-known exhibit to many doctors that Dr. Adams would call over during eye checkups. This was ample proof to me that, as Bapak, said, "What is difficult for man, is easy for God." Dr. Adams became the chief ophthalmologist at Montreal General Hospital. Because of the slowly subsiding eye inflammation, he was afraid of further surgery to correct damages resulting from old medical treatments, commenting, "We are really lucky the eye continues to work well.…; let's leave it alone."

EARLY SUBUD EXPERIENCES

Before the operation and about a week before my father's death, I dreamt I was lying on a table feeling naked and surrounded by many people talking quietly. On waking from sleep, for a few moments I heard unearthly chimes and saw in front of my face, a 'Living Cross' streaming with intense golden light radiating from the centre which fanned out from the four ends of the cross to form an outer halo of light.

A few years after joining Subud, I was surprised to see my dead father appear in dreams and each time I would ask him why he was "still here". He always replied that there was "still much work to do". Several years later, he appeared tired and troubled and he asked me to show him how to do the latihan, whereupon I began my latihan beside him and was at once filled with an electric vibration as I floated into a spin above the ground. When the latihan stopped, my father was gone and I looked to see his head carved in stone.

Much later again, after my eye had continued to work normally for many years, I had a waking dream this time, of my father's young and happy face appearing against a background of glowing light about a foot away from me. He looked three-dimensionally real and alive and his eyes were like live sparkling diamonds gazing steadily into mine, and I understood at once that he had been 'elevated', - also that it was time now to receive something for myself.

After Dr. Adams' death, I had an interview in 1977 with Dr. Phillip Cody, a Subud member who said it would be safe for final surgical eye corrections, but had grave doubts I would ever pass an aviation medical. Yet, I was referred to a Dr. Miller in Toronto, who by chance was also an aviation eye specialist and soon he did some very fine eye improvements with surprising results.

It appears now that the most important improvement was my ability to see the Grace of God more clearly, but as Bapak would say hopefully after testing some of us: "...already some improvement, but still only a little!"

And so, after many years and a long chain of Subud influences, I did receive something, which was better late than never; something that I had thought was forever denied to me. It was the best compliment I ever got, with a firm handshake from the Ministry of Transport flight test examiner who said to me - "It's a pleasure to fly with you sir!"

With the assurance of Dr. Miller, the Aviation Medical Board agreed to issue me a pilot's license for day and night flying. All I had to do was agree to special annual tests to prove that the eye is free of glaucoma. Dr. Miller says they will always require PROOF because nobody really believes it. So this is proof that something has really happened, like an impossible cure - even being permitted a licensed activity with high ocular standards.

Recently during a March medical, and after reviewing some of this history again with Dr. Miller, I asked him for his opinion and for permission to quote him. His reply was, "It's true we do not teach such eye surgery as in your case, and you can say that you have certainly been really fortunate in bucking the odds, and you can put that on the Web."

THE RADIANT GOLD BAPAK

During 1986-87, 1 had stopped being an active helper for the second time, thus becoming out of touch with our Subud Mississauga group for months. This was a peak period of my working career, after a space shuttle catastrophe, when I took on urgent design projects that were delivered in record time, and I began to exceed my physical capacity even though I was aware of this. I had allowed my vitality to run down and was weak and ill with an incessant cough. Weeks went by and I was getting worse; then a doctor diagnosed a virus in my lungs and put me on antibiotics for a month. Two months later I was still weak and coughing, and the president advised me to rest or work from my home only if it was urgent. I began to think that this might be the end of my life.

My sleep was always disturbed and as I began to doze off one morning about 4.30 a.m., the wall in front of me opened up to a brilliant scene, with a large tall man opening a kind of curtain, and as he turned and stepped aside, Bapak entered with his hand extended in greeting and a big smile on his face. I was drawn close to Bapak and we shook hands, then I noticed his golden hair and complexion, also he looked rather young. I was astonished and somewhat embarrassed, exclaiming, "Bapak! - it is I that should be visiting you and not you coming to see me!" I felt uplifted and very happy to see him. With my feeling lightened, soon Bapak turned to leave and was escorted out as the brilliant scene closed up in front of me.

I awoke instantly, still propped up on my pillow, just as I had dozed off. I felt very peaceful and began to review the meaning of this dream that felt so real. As I began to think about myself, a sudden wave of fear struck me and my heart began to beat fast. Yes, that must be it, I thought - my end has come! I will die from this simple illness and Bapak has just appeared to say good-bye! I felt it was amazing that he even bothered with someone so often ungrateful and delinquent as myself. I told my wife what had just happened and she said it was just a dream and not to worry about it. By the next night I stopped coughing and in four more days I received a call from a Subud member around noon that Bapak had passed away at 4.30 am.

It was June 23,1987 and I had not realized that my dream five days prior was a message that it was not myself but Bapak who was leaving this world very soon. It seems Bapak had appeared with a last farewell, true to his own words about never giving up on anyone and with one last assurance that "You will always be fortunate... if you continue to worship the One Almighty God with sincerity, trust and surrender to His Will."

LOUD & 'STILL VOICES'

In retrospect, some parts of my story may have appeared superfluous, but what I have tried to convey with many examples is that I am never alone, as there seems to be a Presence or 'Still Voice', that really knows what to do at the right time. The 'Still Voice' can even be quite loud.

There is one other experience after joining Subud that I cannot forget was when a man drowned while swimming alone on the upper side of a hydropower dam. He had been under for more than three minutes before we could reach the location, far from shore.

Micheline searched from a boat while I dived to search deeper underwater. I was about to head for the bottom when I heard a loud commanding voice saying, "Do not go!" For a moment I became rigid and unable to move deeper at a location that we saw later was about a hundred feet from the turbine gates.

Except for that voice, I would have continued to dive deeper, since the rush of adrenaline makes one feel deceptively invincible during a drowning rescue. This was the only drowning person that I 'lost' and the body with evidence of a heart attack was found later, entangled in a whirlpool of debris and weeds.

And so, I can easily believe that I have felt the action of Subud in my life, even though I am by nature a very skeptical believer always looking for the proof that Bapak hoped we would receive.