25th January 1998
(As printed in Subud Voice May 98)
Raymond Lee's Translation, edited by Sharif & Tuti Horthy
.. I have been asked to speak to you tonight to provide some spiritual refreshment, as tonight is the 27th night, the Night of Power [lailatul qodar]. Almost without knowing it, we are approaching the end of our obligation to complete the Fast. I hope that, by God’s grace, we will all be able to complete what we are commanded by God to do in the course of the Ramadhan fast..
As you know, on the odd numbered nights after the 21st night of the fast, God gives His grace to those human beings whom He chooses. As Subud members who worship God through the latihan, it is our duty and also our hope to be in a state of readiness, to be inwardly prepared, so we can receive God’s grace any time He wills.
This grace of God is not some kind of gift that falls out of the sky and into your lap. Rather, without you necessarily being aware of it, the grace of God will express itself within you in the form of progress or development in your life, or in the life of your soul.
Don't be disappointed
There may be those of you who feel that you have received some benefit in your life from following the fast, but there may be others who feel as though there has been no benefit from fasting. Don’t feel disappointed if this is the case, because understanding the path to God is not something you can study, or ask for. It will come when God wills, in line with our own circumstances and needs.
It is just the same as in the latihan - we are simply the ones who carry it out. By saying we are the ones who carry it out, I mean that all we can do is surrender and pay attention, and be aware of all that we receive in this latihan that touches the individuality of each one of us.
So it is clear that the latihan is not something that has to be studied, or that can be dealt with by the mind. So I recommend that when you read or listen to Bapak’s talks, simply let the content soak into your being. Through letting the talk soak in, you will experience an awareness or a deep feeling, and it is there that you will find the true meaning behind Bapak’s words.
I will be blunt - if you take one of Bapak’s talks and discuss them, then the part of you that has been filled by Bapak through the words in the talk, is replaced and filled instead by the working of your mind. The result is that you cannot find the real meaning because you are again filled with the content of your mind. You see, the knowledge or teaching given by Almighty God can be said to be like the number zero. You cannot add to it or subtract from it in any way. If you attempt to do so with your mind, the true meaning is lost to you.
Differences of opinion
So if we discuss it, people will put forward different interpretations and different opinions. From this you can see that instead of becoming one - instead of being able to base everything on our unity - we end up with differences of opinion, differences in our feeling, which can cause emotions to flare up. This is the danger when we try to work out an understanding of spiritual matters.
Of course the purpose of Subud is not to create differences - so let us resolve differences together through a feeling of harmony, so that we can be united with our brothers and sisters who worship beside us on the narrow path of the latihan.
Let’s take for example the soul [jiwa]. You can’t point to your own human soul, because it is your own soul - you cannot see your own soul within yourself. So it’s hard for you to believe that your soul, which you do not know, can grow to the point where it can take you through experiences which your mind cannot think about. This comes about through the will and the power of Almighty God, and it happens when the jiwa grows to the point that it can take you to a realm or universe which cannot be reached by human beings.
It is as if we are freed from this world, and follow our soul as it is raised up to a place where you can witness the enormity of God’s power. Certainly such experiences are not always the same, because there are a thousand ways by which our soul can make this journey.
Many ways
Sometimes you feel as if you have left this coarse body and have various experiences, which will differ for each of you - for there are many ways. This is the proof that there’s no theory or understanding of the mind which can be applied there, to encompass knowledge of God. The mind cannot reach it. We cannot see, or hear, or feel it with this physical body.
The latihan [latihan kejiwaan] which we follow, is of course principally concerned with the development of the soul [jiwa]. This is different from mystical paths [kebatinan] and everything that goes with that - they only reach your inner [batin]. When this body we occupy disappears, that [inner] disappears with it. Whereas the soul continues to live and exist [after this body has died].
"What’s happening to me?"
The things I am telling you are not just stories, they are real. I have heard from many of you who have had [such] experiences; perhaps some of you have experienced just a little while others have gone quite far. For example, without any effort on your part, you are conscious of your soul freeing itself of this body. This is why we call the latihan "training of the soul" [latihan kejiwaan], because it is a training. So you are being trained, [your soul] gets free and just gets as far as the roof, but there you feel confused and scared - "What’s happening to me?" Well, God knows everything so He knows your apprehension and fear and puts you back again.
This is how the soul develops - the longer the training, the further and deeper it will go. Sometimes, the speed of the soul is such that no sooner has it left the body than you find you are in space and your feet are balanced on the globe. That also happens. Even when you have had this kind of experience, sometimes you can’t understand it yet. ‘How did I get here, and what is the purpose for which God has brought me here?’ What this shows is that we just have to follow - all we can do is receive it. After all, this is the grace that you are hoping for. But the moment you are given it, you get scared!
Forgive me, perhaps it’s the atmosphere of the fast - what I am explaining tonight is rather advanced. So I hope that the new members here can follow what I am talking about. I am just giving you some examples of how great and how wide this latihan is.
So don’t imagine that the latihan is only making movements or shouting in the latihan hall. That is just your purification - it’s only the preparation. Of course, this preparation can go on for years, and some of you will die while you are still in the process. That is known only to God, who is All-knowing.
So however simple the latihan appears to be, don’t neglect it, and don’t play with it. If you play with it the risks are high, as it concerns your soul. In reality, the One who guides you in the latihan is the power of God, not the helpers. The helpers just accompany you and look after you, but your latihan is directly under the power of the One Almighty God.
This is why you should obey the guidelines that Bapak has given us. These are for your own good, and aimed at maintaining the unity of our Subud community. For whether Subud is good or bad is in your own hands. If a Subud member does something wrong, it will affect the name of Subud as a whole. So before you talk to someone else about Subud, make sure that you really understand what you are talking about.
Talking about experiences
Yes, to talk about experiences is sometimes interesting and it can also be valuable, so that if one day you find yourself having a similar experience, you won’t be afraid, and you will be able to accept the reality of what you are experiencing.
As I said earlier, in the spiritual path there are many ways and variations and types of experience, depending on the circumstances. Sometimes it is as if you see a light, and because you have done the latihan, in truth there is a light within you as well. This light is called the essence of God [dhat Allah], or khatir ilham. Then spontaneously, the light within you unites with the light that you saw descending, and this can be the means whereby you are drawn to enter into the power of God, which is beyond human understanding.
Sometimes it is different - it is as if you are picked up by an aeroplane. It’s like a plane, but of course it is not an ordinary plane, as all of it is made of light and those in it are made of light. And if you have to enter the plane you can’t take all this [gesture] with you. What can enter is only that light I mentioned that is within you - the essence of God that is within you. This is just another example.
You may also find that as you are falling asleep, a voice calls you to wake up, ‘Don’t sleep!’. For example, the voice might say, ‘Hey Luqman, don’t sleep! Come with me.’ Now, whether you accept this or not, this voice is usually Bapak’s voice, and Bapak is asking you to go with him. This shows us that although Bapak is not here physically, Bapak continues to be responsible for guiding you.
These are examples to show us that the process of the latihan is very broad. It cannot be limited by years, or even by our life in this world. We may have to continue this process in the next world.
‘Why am I not able [to get] anything [like this]?’
Therefore you mustn’t start feeling bored. For instance some of you may have followed the latihan for twenty or thirty years, ‘Why am I not able [to get] anything [like this]?’ You shouldn’t worry about that. It may not yet be God’s will for you, but also it may be that you have not yet been able to fully prepare yourself to receive a greater contact with God’s power.
I feel this is enough for tonight. Although it may be too short, I feel it is best not to continue, so that you sleep well tonight. If I continue, you may not be able to sleep at all.
Thank you.