(As printed in Subud Voice October 98)
My respected brothers and sisters, may the peace and blessings of Almighty God be upon you. ..I am very grateful to be given this opportunity tonight to speak to you now a few words about the kejiwaan.
So let us begin the discussion about the kejiwaan, and I will start by talking about the purpose of Subud, and the purpose is so that we are trained, we go through a process of individual training, in order that our lives can come into concordance with the will of Almighty God.
To live according to the Will of Almighty God, to discuss this is indeed very wide and one of the most important aspects is harmony of the self. Harmony of the self means that we are at peace with ourselves and we experience a state where our self is in harmony. For those of you whose situation doesn't yet match your circumstances - your outer situation is not in line with yourself, then you can only find this through the latihan. This state of harmony of the self is the basis on which everything else will develop.
Harmony of the family
For example you may, or you will at some point, have a family, and with the family you are the one who is actually responsible also for the harmony of the family.
Harmony within the family means harmony between husband and wife, and harmony with the children. And harmony for the man is very important, so harmony in the family is something that is very important.
Although the husband and wife receive the guidance of God through following the latihan, because the process of the latihan is received individually, it can happen that the husband is more advanced in the kejiwaan than the wife, or it can happen that the wife is better able to receive the Grace of God. In this case it is the responsibility of the one who is in actual fact better able to receive the Grace of God, to guide. For example if it is the husband, he has the duty to guide the wife, and if it is the wife who is more advanced, it is the duty of the wife to help the husband.
Because we don't develop at the same pace, it can happen that you have this disparity within the relationship between husband and wife. And if the husband and wife are truly able to surrender and follow the latihan with a feeling of submission and acceptance, then Almighty God will create a bridge between the husband and the wife which is called eternal love, or a union which continues after this life. And, so that the union between husband and wife is not simply based on the outer love, or love of the heart, and it is able to cross over to the life after this life.
And if this bridge is in place then the harmony that is created will be an example for the children, because the children will follow the example that is set for them, and so the children in turn will have this feeling of harmony in the family.
Harmony between husband and wife
This is very, very vital. The situation for many of you is that you have been following the latihan for many years, but do not yet have this harmony between husband and wife, and the result is the children feel out of control. So they will go searching for a way out of this disharmonious situation, and this in turn will cause great suffering for the parents, because they feel their children are not able to be controlled or guided by the parents and there is further lack of harmony.
Coming back to something I missed earlier - the maintenance of harmony is a heavy responsibility, because in a family we are not alone, we are one of a group of people, and it is for this reason that we have the responsibility to work and maintain the harmony of the family.
If harmony exists in the family, then the children will be carried by this feeling of well being, but the proof or reality is, that if harmony is not present within the family, the children will go searching for some kind of harmony to make their lives settled or peaceful. But it is not certain they will be able to find this. Very often what appears to them to be something they are searching for, and from which they get some feeling of harmony, will actually carry them away from what is in accordance with the Will of Almighty God.
This is the reason why it is recommended that both husband and wife should be following the latihan. The reason for this is that if either the husband or the wife is not following the Iatihan, then there can come a time when the marriage will be shaken, because the husband, for example will be experiencing a development of the inner being. And in this process he will have many experiences and may for a time behave very strangely. And if the wife is not following the latihan, then this will be a very difficult situation in the marriage.
The responsibility to guide each other
On the face of it there isn't a difference between a husband who follows the latihan, and a husband who doesn't follow the latihan, but if the husband is following the latihan and the wife is not, then the husband will be bringing to the relationship a feeling that is foreign, or strange to the wife, and although the husband will try to approach and be at one with his wife, it will be very difficult for them to achieve harmony.
So for those of you who are in this situation, and are following the latihan and your partner is not, you should always pray to Almighty God that your wife or husband may be opened and able to receive the latihan.
Also it is your responsibility to guide the wife or husband who is not following the latihan. And you guide the husband or wife by setting an example with your own good behaviour. Then the spouse will in time recognise your good behaviour and you will be able to reconcile the good feeling between you. And coming back to the prayer, if you are really sincere in praying, then your wife or husband will be opened by themselves as it were, resulting in a feeling of wanting to follow the latihan.
Coming back to the development we go through in the latihan, it is something we experience on a personal level, and we can reach a point where, because of other experiences we receive, there is a danger that it is easy to discard our responsibilities towards the spouse who is not following the latihan.
Who you are going to marry
So for the young people among you, this is something to think about. In other words, when you are considering who you are going to marry, you should take into account the difficulties that may lie ahead, and if your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't in Subud, you should at least introduce them to Subud and explain to them about Subud. And before you commit yourself to setting up a family and undertaking the responsibilities, you should have found within yourself this self harmony. This state of self harmony is very important because it is the basis for the rest of what happens to you in your life.
Continuing on the issue of harmony, it is not simply restricted to harmony within the family. It extends to the harmony of all mankind; by all mankind, I mean with whoever you have social relationships, for example in your workplace, and the people you go around with, and your neighbourhood, these are all people you relate to, and with whom you should endeavour to seek harmonious relationships.
For example, if you work in an enterprise or in an office, because you follow the latihan, you will immediately have a feeling for the harmony or disharmony of the place you are in. Furthermore, though you may not understand this yet, the feeling of disharmony in an enterprise or workplace will have a critical impact on the ability of the business to develop.
Subud helpers
Not to go too far from home, harmony is very important among the Subud helpers. Bapak always emphasised the importance of harmony among the helpers. Don't have the feeling that one of you is cleverer than the others, that the others don't know anything, resulting in no unity among the helpers.
It's very important because if there's a lack of harmony among the helpers, this is very disturbing and a great impediment for the development of Subud. Because a new member joining Subud will look at the helpers as a kind of example of the result of the latihan. If the helpers are not harmonious, although Subud may be what the person has been looking for, they will be put off by this situation of disharmony.
So work together, it is very important that you work together. This is not a new problem. It has been a problem for a long time now. That it continues is very, very disappointing.
The kejiwaan is very wide, and returning to the problem of harmony among the helpers where one feels more important than the others, as the kejiwaan is very wide no one person can handle this by themselves. So it is necessary for the helpers to have this feeling of harmony and unity among them because only then will they be able to satisfy the kejiwaan needs of the members. You as helpers are Bapak's helpers, and therefore it is very necessary for you to safeguard the development and growth of Subud, and not act in a way which impedes it.
For those who feel they have in fact been in Subud a long time and have experiences, then they should use or share this experience to guide and safeguard the development of Subud.
You will be guided by God to prepare yourself to be as wide as you are capable of, in order to receive the Grace of God, and when we receive the Grace of God, this is something not confined to the helpers. Anyone can receive the Grace of God. And if, for example, a member receives the Grace of God through a set of experiences, the helper should not look on this as being a mistake or something that is wrong. And if this situation happens, the helpers must be very careful that they do not act or say something to the member who has had the experience in such a way that the new member loses faith in the credibility of Subud.
The helpers should be open and free in their attitude to the members and allow them to ask things, and have patience to answer them. This is to prevent members who have experienced something from leaving Subud because they aren't satisfied with the way they've been treated by the helpers.
Using Bapak's talks
In giving explanations and guidance to members, the helpers may want to know if it is all right to use extracts from Bapak's talks in giving guidance to the members. This is fine, as long as - and there is an as long as - you really understand - I'm sorry, as long as you are not misusing the meaning of Bapak's talks to further your position.
Before you use Bapak's talks in this way, you should really look into yourself, and ask yourself do you really understand what Bapak is saying, before using Bapak's talks in this way to give guidance to members.
And when we use Bapak's talks for this purpose it's important to remember they are only explanations and not a form of teaching. They are explanations for people who've had experience in the latihan so they can understand where this latihan is coming from and what this latihan is for.
So don't just rely on the helpers feeding you extracts from Bapak's talks. Get used to reading Bapak's talks on a regular basis. Even though you read it a few times, even five times, if you still feel you don't understand, it means the understanding you have is not at the point where the talk can connect with or reach your understanding. In other words, just keep reading the talks until you understand them.
Coming back to the helpers giving guidance - when giving explanations, by all means explain in your own words, but keep close to the understanding that is given in Bapak's talks.
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