Cilandak June 22nd 1997
(As printed in Subud Voice March 98)
The purpose of this commemoration is, firstly, to remind us all that the late Bapak Muhammad Subuh Sumohadiwidjojo is like a father-figure for all Subud members, and secondly, to remind us all as Bapak's children to give thanks for the grace of God that Bapak received and passed on to all of us.
Latihan - the training of the soul
This grace was indeed a supernatural event, a receiving - something that Bapak received that could be passed on to people of any religion, any nationality and any race. And we have experienced and confirmed for ourselves that this Subud latihan, or training of the soul, can be experienced and witnessed by every human being who practises it.
Why is this possible? Because we human beings are one aspect of Almighty God, that is, we are a manifestation of God's essence that fills everything that God has created.
We are able to know and to feel that every creature imbued with God's essence is alive and moves. And that which is alive in human beings is what we call their soul [jiwa]. So God's essence connects with human beings through their human soul. That is why we call this training [latihan] the training of the soul [latihan kejiwaan], rather than calling it 'inner training' [latihan kebatinan] or 'outer training' [latihan lahir]. It is very appropriate to call what we do in Subud: 'latihan' or 'training of the soul'.
So the purpose of the latihan is that we may receive true guidance from God's power both in this world and also for later, that in the hereafter.
Therefore the latihan has no limit. Although we start in this world, later we will continue in another world. It will never stop, even though its development will change. For instance now we do it as people who live in this world, where we experience the world through our physical body. That is why, in the latihan, the first thing we feel and see is physical. That is because we first experience the world through our physical body, which is part of this world.
In the course of its development, the latihan will gradually penetrate to our feelings, then to our wisdom and eventually to our self-awareness. So we can feel and become aware of all this in the latihan - how deeply we are able to feel. Are we still at the point where all our feeling is based on the physical or has our latihan gone deeper so that we are aware in our feeling, or deeper still where it has entered our wisdom or whether all our experience and receiving has already entered our self awareness.
When you feel what is holding you back..
What is clear is that we can equally well feel the latihan in our movements, in our feeling and our wisdom, and you will later be able to carry this with you in your understanding and your consciousness. Once you reach the stage of self consciousness, God will normally grant you His gift, because you have then already got your ego [nafsu] under control. To start with you are not aware of it them because it form part of you, as a result of your personality or the influences that surround you. And when, as a result of your latihan, you begin to feel all that is holding you back, all the obstacles to your progress, just receive it with surrender so that it leads to the arising of a sort of wisdom within you. Such wisdom, brothers and sisters, goes far beyond the thinking of the mind and will lead to a change in your life.
What makes it difficult is that the latihan is not something we can study or learn from someone else - it has to be discovered by each one of you within your own individuality. For the individuality of no two people is the same. That, brothers and sisters, is one of the signs of God's greatness - that he has created so many entities and yet each one has its own individuality and its own work. That is the challenge for each of us - to make our own self into a good person or into a perfected human being
But this doesn't mean that we may, or we ought to, just follow our own will; because we are aware that, as human beings, we are weak in the face of our own ego [nafsu]. Therefore it is very necessary that we do the latihan together, that we jointly take responsibility and do this work together. In that way we will be led into the [right] direction which we follow together.
Whenever Bapak gave talks or explanations, [he made it clear] that we shouldn't regard them as a teaching, but rather as an explanation, in order that we don't stray from what is received in Subud. Because the fact is, brothers and sisters, that many people believe that the latihan comes from each individual person, so that each of us can do whatever comes from within us. So there are even those who say that they don't need to follow any more whatever was received by Bapak 'because my individuality and Bapak's individuality are not the same'. This misunderstanding has already cropped up many times. This is just an example, because Subud is growing rapidly now and there are many of you who are now perhaps already taking over certain responsibilities from those who have been a long time in Subud.
You have been doing latihan and have perhaps received experiences that make you able to bear witness for yourself so that you can join in the work of caring for and preserving Subud. Because in this world there are lots of teachings and many kinds of training besides Subud. And there are those who say that Subud is too slow, meaning that people are not willing to wait but want to add something else so that they can understand and progress faster. Well, if they are right, then that is a grace from God, but if not, it will on the contrary lead you into a state of confusion.
The life after life
And this latihan cannot be explained to or understood by those who are not in Subud. So in fact we Subud people can't put pressure on those who haven't yet experienced the latihan, because they cannot grasp the meaning of a life after life. To them the idea of a life that is beyond this life, but which you can experience here, will seem strange or impossible. But for us who have experienced and witnessed to some extent what we have experience [in the latihan], we are able to enjoy God's grace, which perhaps cannot be felt by others.
What we can show to others, to those who are not in Subud, is that we Subud people set a good example. If we feel that what we are following is the guidance of God then of course whatever we do ought to look good and not evoke a negative reaction from people outside.
For suppose that you claim that you are a good person , but what you do is not good yet, then those who look at you will see that you are not authentic, meaning they will consider you a clown - because what you are and what you do doesn't yet correspond to your own ideals. It is better to let others conclude that you are a good person because they see that that is what you are, even though you haven't said so yourself.
Well, brothers and sisters, this is not such a major error, because it is simply the influence of what is within all of you, that is, the ego or passion [nafsu] which is manipulated by the lower forces that we refer to as the material, vegetable, animal and human forces. These will in fact always accompany the development of your self. But as I've said, if we always remember God and are able to be aware of every action and every feeling within us, then we will be protected from the influence of the ego which is always trying to prevent us from making progress.
When God gives you something, you cannot refuse
Because this is not supposed to mean that there's no such thing as a gift from God. So in the latihan, when it is God's will and you are you are already able to receive, God will give. [When] God gives [we should] of course be ready to receive what He is going to give us. For God's power is great and if we are not ready, if it is not time yet, we may not be strong enough.
It does sometimes happen that people experience a crisis because they are touched [by God] before they are ready. But a crisis is not something to be frightened of. Sometimes people join Subud and are scared of having a crisis before they even start. It's only a crisis - whereas in fact when God gives you something you cannot refuse. All you can do is surrender and witness God's greatness. There may be those among you who have already had such an experience. Even if it was nothing great, you still have to receive it as a spiritual experience and be willing to let go and submit, as I said. For in front of God, meaning God's power, you have nothing - so it is as if you are experiencing something that doesn't matter. And when it happens, there is no feeling of fear.
So if something happens and you say, 'I am frightened of this and that…' it means you are not yet prepared, and still in the grip of your passion [nafsu]. Sometimes you would like to understand what the latihan is, but the moment God gives you something out of the ordinary you are immediately afraid.
What Ibu Rahayu experienced
Brothers and sisters, I said just now that God's gift cannot be refused. Perhaps this makes you wonder, 'Has Ibu Rahayu ever experienced such a gift from God?' Well, I can add this as an addition to my talk here, that the reason I am able to say this to you is because I once experienced it. If I hadn't, I wouldn't dare to say something like that. This happened a long time ago, while Bapak was still alive, when Ibu Siti Sumari was about to die. I feel it is necessary to tell you the story. Perhaps it is already time because I am going to be 70 soon and I can start to share my spiritual experiences in Subud. Before all this happened I felt that I was being called, by which I mean that I have to do something that is not here, meaning not in this world. Now first of all I have to tell you that even though I was Bapak's daughter… even though we were Bapak's children, he never taught us anything special regarding spiritual matters. So it was perhaps not as you imagine - that as Bapak's children we already knew a lot, no.
So when I was, so to say, lifted up, I first of all remembered Bapak: 'Wait a minute, I have a father…' And I felt some anxiety, '…what if I go astray?' And then there was a voice saying, 'Your father is [up] there.' Whereas I knew that Bapak was in Jakarta, while I was then in Semarang.
This spiritual journey was not easy ..
I have to say here that this spiritual journey was not easy. It lasted a hundred days. I remember it was a hundred days because it was only finished after the hundred days of prayers and vigil for Ibu were over. If you ask, 'Well, what did you experience?' A lot - so much that I can no longer remember all of it. Because every night I didn't sleep - the moment I wanted to sleep I was called: 'Don't sleep, let's go!'
Sometimes it was Bapak: 'Don't sleep, Yu, come and see Bapak's work!'
So that is where I was given experiences and I was able to understand what Bapak's work was over there. I don't need to tell you all sorts of things about it because what is over there is a secret of life that belongs to God.
And when I searched for Bapak I also went through various levels. It was as if I had to search for him in order perhaps to understand, starting from the level of the material. There I saw Bapak too, but there was a feeling that said, 'That is not your father.' So I refused him. So I went on till I reached a level where I saw a radiance and a form like made of porcelain, where I was able to see both the outside and the inside at the same time. And as I looked, there was Bapak's voice: 'Yu, over here!'
So I immediately went and I saw this form I mentioned, but it had two breasts.
'Here, drink!'
I immediately drank from Bapak's breast. As soon as I had drunk, the radiance disappeared, and I looked at myself. I saw that after I drank from Bapak I became like him, with the same radiance.
Who Bapak really is
Only then was I allowed to go up further looking for Bapak. And there, by God's grace I was allowed to witness who Bapak is. Even though I couldn't reach him, I could see a staircase and I could see his feet. But I could see the whole, even his robe. So I know.
Therefore I am a witness, and that is why Bapak once said in a talk that I have received God's grace to enable me to witness who Bapak is. Because after it was over I met Bapak and told him a little [of my experience].
So Bapak, to check, asked, 'How was my robe?'
I replied, 'It was like this.'
'Yes, that's right!'
So that was an experience. As I said, it included a lot of different [things]. So the scope of the latihan has no limits. Well, we know that human ability is already so great, and that is only a tiny fraction of what God's power is able to do.
I was just a witness
But after all this, since I am a human being, I had to come back to being a human being. So I no longer have any of that. At that time I was able to do this and do that because of God - I was just a witness. So if you say to me now, 'Oh, Ibu, you have a great insight; I want to ask you what will I become and who should I marry?' The answer is I don't know. Without God's grace I am nothing. Well, I can figure it out with the latihan, just as when you do it, using testing. I cannot predict the future just like that
But that is what people imagine. I tell you that in my normal state I have no special skill. Perhaps if you had asked me then, I would have been able to tell you your whole life-story, because I was touched by God's power. So this, brothers and sisters, is the difference - why Subud is not a teaching. For I never learnt anything from Bapak, never. I was guided through my own self.
And about testing - over there I was also tested. Here, if we are tested and we can't receive, it is possible to pretend that we can. But there you cannot. So that's the difference, brothers and sisters. If you do testing over here it is still easy, if you are over there and you can't test, then you haven't made it yet.
Brothers and sisters, I gave you this extra in which I told you this story because in fact I have already been interviewed about part of my experiences by a representative of WSA who felt it was necessary to have it on video. So I didn't want you to be surprised if one day that video gets to Indonesia - for the moment it is restricted, it is just being watched by the helpers over there.
Since our programme is very full tonight, I will now finish, and I hope that this meeting will reawaken you to do your latihan diligently and to truly achieve well what you have set out to do.
Thank you, and assalamu alaykum warrahmatullahi wabarakatuh.