A Provisional Translation of a Talk by Ibu Siti Rahayu Wiryohudoyo to Delegates at the Asia Pacific Zone Conference in Colombo, Sri Lanka, June 7, 1991
'Asia Pacific, The Newsletter of Subud World Zones 1 & 2', #1, July, 1991. Transcribed by Halimah Felt on July 25, 1991.
Copy supplied by Aliman Sears - Belgium
Good evening brothers and sisters,
I am willing to give you a talk, but please understand that what I give you is not the same as that which Bapak used to give, because Bapak was different.
Don't expect that I will give talks like Bapak. What I will speak about is what I have really experienced. I also remind you that in giving explanations to the members, please give what you understand, what you have experienced, something that you are sure of.
Otherwise it will just confuse the members, and, instead of listening to you, instead of following Subud, they will soon disappear.
Please read Bapak's talks and eventually you will be able to check them against whatever you yourself receive and experience in the latihan.
Now, in many places many people are wondering what Subud is, including Indonesia. The important thing is that you have to explain that Subud is not a religion. Subud is not a teaching. But it IS a GIFT, a receiving that comes from God.
The receiving first came to Bapak and then Bapak passed it on to us, and what Bapak showed us to do is what is called the latihan, which as I said yesterday, is a training of the jiwa. It will enfold our jiwa.
The latihan of Subud can be related to the history of mankind; and, to the prophet Adam who was the first human being created by God Almighty. At that time, Adam was close to God. Whatever God said would reach Adam and whatever Adam said would reach God. There was direct communication.
Well, during history, man has gone further and further from God and the direct relationship has got thinner and thinner and has been, eventually, forgotten by human beings.
So, Subud, which Bapak brought us, is really God's Grace, because when we follow the latihan of Subud, GOD REMINDS US that there is a relationship, a direct communication, between God and mankind.
Subud is to remind us that this kind of relationship has always been there, only it has been forgotten.
As you experienced when you were opened, you FEEL the relationship between you and God, between the Creator and the one who is created; and that is to REMIND you that this relationship (is real).
After you have been opened and done the latihan for some time, it really is God's Will that guides your movements, not the helpers who stand in front of you. You are open to the Almighty and whatever you receive is for you to believe. You just believe what you have received, because otherwise it means you don't believe yourself.
As you can see, the relationship between you and God is direct and clear. It is, in fact, also like that in religion. There is the connection between you and God in religion. So that there will be a time when these two channels, (Subud and your religion), will come to a point and meet. So you can say, 'Yes, we are religious, we have religion.' It is not true that we have no religion because it IS there. But Subud itself is not a religion.
As Bapak used to say, in Subud, what is bent can be made straight. That is also an illustration, and a choice for you, about which way you will take, the way that is straight or the way that is bent.
Many people from religions, Christian or Islamic, who are fanatical, cannot understand Subud and feel doubtful about the reality of Subud. Nevertheless, there are also people who can feel the truth in Subud through their religion. They can even feel the benefit of the latihan in their religion.
You helpers especially need to be careful in explaining this delicate matter to the members. Otherwise people will suspect Subud of being irreligious or something like that.
And if you have to explain, please try to make them understand it as I have just explained to you. Because in Subud some people do say that now you are doing the latihan, you don't have to have any religion; and that is not correct, because, as was explained before BOTH can go together.
In doing the latihan, you need patience, a lot of patience. The latihan goes on even after you die; it will continue then. You should not be bored in doing the latihan because it will go on, and on, and it won't stop even in the here-after. It takes a long time.
Latihan is actually not limited to the latihan hall. Even in your everyday life, the latihan is there. So, after you are opened, the latihan is going on, and if you are attentive and diligent in following it, you will be aware that the latihan is always there with you in your everyday life, even during your working life.
So when you are not doing the latihan, you should be just as "good" as when you are doing the latihan. If you do something "bad" outside the latihan, then it means that you cheat yourself. You have to be careful. Because there IS a relationship between the latihan and everyday life.
Someone might say, 'I have done the latihan for such a long time, how come I am still like this?' This person is not satisfied with his or her life, and the explanation is that he or she does something "bad" or miserable without being aware that it is also connected with the latihan, and affects the latihan.
Special experiences, spiritual experiences, are often beyond our mind (to understand), so if you have an experience which seems illogical to you or goes beyond your thinking mind's ability to grasp it, then just follow it. It is something that you have to follow and live with.
Sometimes the experience is unpleasant and, if that happens, well, then just live with it and just follow and be patient.
Sometimes you have good experiences and other times bad experiences, but, in either case just remember God, because only God can solve your problems.
Sometimes members will be afraid if they have an experience, and if so then they will never get an experience again because they are so afraid of being affected by a "bad force" or something like that.
A member had an experience one day in which she felt her jiwa separate from her body, and then the jiwa went off through the roof and far away, and she was afraid that she had been affected by some sort of devil.
Well, the jiwa is actually a lot bigger than the body, so if it is God's Will for the jiwa to come out of your body, it is actually much, much bigger and this means nothing for the jiwa.
If it is God's Will, it is possible that during the latihan, your jiwa will go out of your body, and you will be able to experience something that is beyond the ordinary capability of human beings. That means you have the opportunity, or that it is God's Will, for you to be made aware of the greatness of God, the Creator of mankind; and, while being outside your body, you will understand yourself. If that really happens, just accept it.
However, if that happens, please don't feel big or high or superior afterwards. Just receive it as a gift, God's Grace, that is given to you. You are made to witness the greatness of the Almighty.
If you know something, or are aware of something that is beyond the thinking mind, something great, just feel gratitude to the Almighty. And if you are made, say, clever or more clever than the others, just feel grateful to the Almighty. All is in God's power, the greatest is God the Almighty. We are just His creatures.
After everything in you is made clean, you will know a lot of things, and that is God's work. Just leave it to the Almighty that it will happen to you. Be prepared that something might happen to you through the Grace of God.
There is a connection between my explanation today and the explanation I gave yesterday about testing. In testing, don't feel too sure that your testing is correct. Leave everything to Almighty God Who is the Most Knowing. We are just putting ourselves close to the reality, close to the truth, because only God is the Truth.
Testing is an effort for us to do better, to correct ourselves, but we do NOT need to test everything in our DAILY lives, because that will just confuse us.
Those who have left the latihan for some time usually find it difficult to do the latihan and testing is often needed to bring their latihan to life; testing which starts with the head or the hands as I showed you yesterday.
I am just giving a little explanation tonight because I know most of you have been doing the latihan for a long time and many of you have done well and made progress. So this is just a reminder for you, especially as I am here on this occasion. Now I give you the time if you have any questions to ask, spiritual questions, not just ones about everyday life.
In reading the letters that I receive, the problems are actually mainly about everyday life, rather than the spiritual. Most questions are just ordinary questions.
So, actually, I find it very difficult because, instead of coming to ME, the letter should have gone to a psychiatrist or a marriage consultant or someone like that. So I get burdened.
(Ibu Rahayu then proceeds to give an explanation about the responsibility
she has for choosing names. The English translation is partly
indecipherable on the tape.
She tells the story of how Bapak (when he was a child) got sick,
very sick, and someone came, an old man, and changed Bapak's name
to Muhammud Subuh, and then Bapak became well. So a name is not
just anything, is not just suited to anyone. The name should
be something that is suitable to the real nature and personality
of the person. Ibu Rahayu says that the choosing of a name is
done through testing, and that this task of giving names has some
connection with her experience; 'whether you believe it or not
is up to you.'
Ibu Rahayu goes on to say that she was trained by Bapak, but not
here in this world. It happened out of this life somewhere. She
says that she then had Bapak's confidence that she would be able
to carry out this duty, that is, to give names to Subud members.)
So now, I give names to you Subud members, but only when you ask for one. Otherwise you don't have to change your name because it is not a rule or something like that. In Subud you don't have to have a new name from me. It is not a rule.
To give names is actually a responsibility because if the name is correct, there will be progress in the person's spiritual life.
(A member asks a question about the experience of the jiwa leaving the body. Will the jiwa return to the body?)
In spiritual experience when the jiwa leaves, it will come back. It is just to show you there is something inside you (or enveloping your physical being); but of course if it is already the time for you to die, then the jiwa won't come back.
In Subud when the jiwa departs it will come back, except when it is God's will that you should die. But in some other disciplines it happens that the jiwa is made to leave by an effort of will so that it can go anywhere, even travel to another person. That is possible, but not in Subud.
(A member asked a question about the state of the soul after death according to Islamic belief.)
The belief in Islam is that it is like that (described) after death. But what I am talking about is the jiwa when we are doing the latihan, when we are still here in this world.
(A member asks: If we pass away, does our soul remain here or does it go off, and are we in a position to help our children?)
We can't be so sure about it because it is all in God's hands. Just trust in God, but while we are here in this world, we are trained when we do the latihan, and made alive, and that will also happen in the hereafter.
So there is a connection. But whether you will be able to help your children, no one can say whether you will be able to. We don't know yet. So it's if it is God's will.
(A member tells an experience when he left this world and was then reluctant to come back. This showed him that it is the Will of God both when we leave and when we come back.)
That is an experience in the kejiwaan. This does indeed mean that it is the Will of God that it is like that.
(Another member mentions a similar experience.)
That is a spiritual experience, one which is necessary for you in order to witness the greatness of God, and bear witness to the truth of Subud so that you won't be doubtful about Subud, and you can be sure it is the right thing.
But it doesn't mean that after having such an experience you feel like a prophet. That is (the experience) what is meant in religion by "ascension"; but for a prophet, an ascension is really very great. We are just on a certain level, (and some rise just) to witness the truth of Subud. Subud is not just a game but something real.
(There is some discussion about the testing which was done with the woman from the day before. Then Ibu Rahayu goes on to comment some more about the people who have had the experience of the jiwa leaving the body.)
It's really God's grace that we have spiritual experiences like that. If it comes, you can refuse, but you can't wish for it. And, if you have once had such a spiritual experience, you will have such a wonderful experience during it, that you will be made to forget it as soon as you come back to this world again. In other words, there is an intention or a meaning in this forgetting, that whatever you see or experience or are aware of over there should not be brought here.
So if you have such an experience once, well, that is sufficient; because if you have such an experience many times, you won't be able to carry it. There will be an imbalance. It would be too much for you.
To repeat, I would like to tell you that it is very good if you do have such experiences, and they are really God's grace. Such experiences are for you to witness the greatness of the Almighty. Because the life in the hereafter is not easy; it is really difficult (and different).
I would like to add that when I had my own experience, when it happened, that it was God's will that I had such a great spiritual experience, I was allowed to witness the reality and the truth of what Bapak had been doing in Subud.
In the realm of the spiritual, if you, for example, do testing over there, the testing is also similar to here, similar to what Bapak did here, but it is also different. If you are tested here, you can still pretend to be able to move, from you will; but over there IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. If you can't move, if you are not alive, then you won't move. So it's really God's grace that (makes the parts of) you alive.
I can also say that the difference between the situation here and over there is that here, there is always nafsu whereas over there, there is no nafsu.
So to come back from the life over there to here is not an easy thing to do without it being God's will. It is not possible to come back. Because, it is like jumping a wide, wide ocean. It's not something that you can leap, so if that happens, and you are to come back, you just leave it to the Almighty, because only God can remove the difficulty and smooth the way.
If some of you have had such an experience, I feel gratitude because that is really what Bapak used to hope for us to have. That is, to have an experience in which you can witness the reality of Subud for Bapak.
It's really Bapak's responsibility that Bapak has brought you all to Subud. Bapak wanted you to have spiritual experiences, so that you should bear witness. That is what Bapak really wanted you to have. Let us therefore feel grateful to God Whom we believe is the only One Who can give us such a spiritual awareness.
But, please don't feel disappointed if you don't yet get more and more spiritual experiences. Maybe you will get another one, but you can't expect it too much. Leave it to the Almighty.
I was made aware of many things, (in my own experience over there), made aware of the secret of life; but that doesn't mean I can now ask anything. I am really just normal; only I was made aware of many things at that time.
(These provisional translations of Ibu Rahayu's talks to the 1991 Asian Zone Conference in Colombo have been edited from the oral translation in English provided by Ibu Yati at the time of the talks, with reference to the Indonesian. In some places where the recording is indecipherable, or a recording was not made, a paraphrase has been made, sometimes using notes made at the time.)