14. Peter talks to Patricia in San Francisco

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And so what brought you in? Were you looking for something?

I didn't think I was. I thought my situation was well planned. I was going to be a lawyer. I was going to school and I used to go to a bar called "The Dagamar". We used to hang around there and I got to know the bartender, Harun. a very nice man.

Is he still your friend?

Of course he is. He's my godfather. I consider him my godfather. Delightful. Harun. A beautiful name.

Beautiful. Another Italian? You Italians stick together!

Yes. I got very friendly with him. I used to drive a cab. I would pop in about nine o'clock or ten o'clock in the evening, have a little drink. Then I would go off to do my work as a cab driver. I would come back about one o'clock and he would still be there. He used to talk to me. After a time, I started to realise that every Monday and Wednesday and Friday, he would disappear for a couple of hours. I got very curious. So I asked him where he would go on those nights.

"You wouldn't be interested!" he'd say. This was the Subud approach! Dissuade them! (laughter) Play hard to get! And he did it very well! So I'd bug him about it.

"Where do you go on these days", I'd keep asking.

Finally he told me he belonged to a philosophical group.

"Oh that's really great", I said, "I took philosophy in College. I majored in it. Yes I'd like to join your group".

"No you wouldn't!"

I said, "Why not?"

"You wouldn't be interested". And he kept this up for weeks. And finally he started to tell me a little bit about Subud. I was kind of curious.

"This sounds brilliant" I said, "I'd like to know more about it".

He said, "Well, I'll open you."

I said "What do you mean?"

"I'll pass the contact on to you." he said.

"How are you going to do that?"

He said, "We'll go to your hotel room and we'll do it there"

Were you living in a hotel?

I was living across the street from the famous Iraquoise Hotel in downtown San Francisco. It really was a dump (laughter) but that was all I could afford.

And you were studying law in the daytime?

That's right and driving a cab at night. And so I agreed to have this contact. We made a plan and one afternoon he shows up at the Hotel and he stands up and I stand up and he says to me, 'Close your eyes.'

Did you find this very strange?

Strange? Let me tell you how strange it was for me. He said 'Begin'. And then he started to jump up and down like a monkey.

I opened my eyes and thought 'The guy's having an episode'. This is terrible!

'What is this man doing?' I asked myself.

But I didn't want to embarrass him, so I didn't say anything. At the end of half an hour, he asked if I felt something. I really didn't know. I didn't want to say anymore because I liked the guy and I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

After a few weeks passed and the summer came, I had to go to Los Angeles because I had a good job opportunity down there during the break. I could make some big money putting in swimming pools.

Did you attend the Latihan after that?

Are you kidding? Not after what I saw! I thought the guy was an idiot and I thought the Subud thing was really mad with people jumping around, making a lot of noise, shaking their hands and everything else. I couldn't believe it! Anyway I go to Los Angeles where I'm putting in these swimming pools doing the iron work, which is very hard work and exhausting.

One day we put in a huge swimming pool. We got up at four in the morning and worked till 8 at night. I was so tired, I couldn't even eat. I went to bed and about 3 o'clock in the morning, I wake up and I call 'Ah la la la la', my hands start shaking. I was having a full-blown Latihan although I had no idea what was going on. Then I remembered Harun doing the same thing. The next morning, I woke up as fresh as could be. It was a wonderful experience. Then I began to see that Subud might have something to it, so I called the Subud centre in Los Angeles. A voice answered 'Hello' and once again my suspicions of the lunacy of Subud were reinforced. The person who answered sounded like a lunatic.

So I say, 'Nothing. Forget about it. It was a mistake.'

I too forgot about it and went back to San Francisco. When I saw Harun, I told him about my experience. He was very enthused about it and finally he convinced me to go down to the Subud hall and meet some other old-time helpers. They decided to open me officially and we went through the opening and that was it. From that moment on I stayed in Subud.

So did you find the Latihan a bit strange, with the helpers who opened you?

It took me quite a while to accept what was going on with me because I kept saying, as we all did I think, that this was a process of suggestion and that I was kidding myself. I was making myself do these things, raising my hands up, walking around the hall, feeling this bird inside of me. It took me a long time to get rid of these doubts.

Were you told anything about what was happening to you?

Harun told me a lot. We used to hang around all the time and he used to talk to me about Subud.

So he told you about the process and the meaning of it?

Well, he told me what he knew at the time. Remember he was only in Subud a few months. The San Francisco group only started in 1958 I think.

Did you know it was to do with God?

Sure and that was okay. I went to a Jesuit College. God was on my side. At least the Jesuits thought so. I stopped going to Church when I left Jesuit School and went to law school. I didn't particularly like the Catholic Church as I got tired of people telling me what to do.

What I found so attractive about Subud was that there was no doctrine. There was no teaching and really you were, in effect, your own boss. All you had to do was the Latihan and surrender.

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further extract

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Tell me a bit about how it was for you when Rosina had her skiing accident. Did you feel the Latihan helped you a lot then?

There was so much that was going on, I had no idea if I was being helped. I was absolutely frightened.

When you met Rosina what happened to you?

I fell in love immediately. There was no question about it at all. In 6 days I proposed. It was incredible. She walked into the Latihan hall and I immediately spotted her and I went dashing over there before anybody else could make a stake or a claim on her. And I told her my name is Joe. And from that moment on we've been together.

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further extract

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How do you feel about Bapak? What was your reaction, the first time you saw him?

I thought there was something peculiar because he was going around changing everybody's name. But my name didn't get changed like that. It took years for mine to change. I was telling everybody that they were crazy to change their names and everybody was doing this Muslim bit (joining Islam) and they all had these very peculiar complicated names.

I didn't approve and then we went to the Congress in New Jersey and Rosina got her name changed from Laurie to Rosina. She didn't like the name as Rosina was her grandmother's name and when Bapak said that her name began with an 'R', she refused to put down Rosina until the very end. It was also her confirmation name which she chose when she was very young. So we went home with the name Rosina for my wife.

We live in Mill Valley and I was sleeping very soundly and a voice penetrated this deep sleep of mine and it said, 'How are you going to progress if you don't even know your name?' I was angry because I knew I had to ask Bapak for my name.

So the next day I sent him a cable and I asked, ' Bapak, what's my name?'

He sends back a cable, 'Joe, your name's Peter. Bapak' and that's how I got my name. And it was a great sensation when I got the name Peter. I really felt great.

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