13. Rosina meets Patricia in San Francisco

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How would you say the Latihan affected you in the early days of your marriage?

It's hard for me to have a perspective on that since I was opened and married at about the same time. I was made a helper right away, because there was a shortage. I didn't know what I was doing. I'm of the generation where you kept quiet. If you had a problem, you didn't talk about it. I would never have gone to the helpers' group for advice.

Was there any time later when you did go to the helpers' group?

No. I wrote to Bapak once when I couldn't conceive. We had bought a house in Mill Valley to raise a family because I was planning to conceive. But I didn't. Bapak sent me back a parable about a woman who had done Latihan diligently for ten years and then she conceived after the tenth year. So I thought this was the message Bapak intended for me and I resolved to follow his guidance. So I did Latihan diligently for ten years and the miracle happened. I conceived! We had moved back to the city. I conceived in the city. The message went round the world immediately and Bapak was delighted.

Lovely. Could you tell me about your skiing accident?

It happened in 1970 on Peter's birthday. We went skiing and were separated. Peter was livid because I was always skiing in front of him; and he was livid because I'd chosen the left hand instead of the right hand path. I thought, 'I'll surprise him.' I sure did, but not in the way I had intended. I went off the edge of the embankment and went full out. You could not see the danger from the vantage point at which I plotted my course. I went over a little knoll and ran out of snow. I hit the rocks in the creek and ended up on the run I had intended to go on. However, I was broken by the time I got up there. I was knocked thoroughly unconscious. I remember none of it except saying, "Oh shit!"

In the midst of it, I had an experience in which I was moved right up out of myself. Out of my body. There was no pain. I felt marvellous! I had no idea that we are so burdened in our bodies normally. A voice said, "Would you like to come now?" It was a voice I immediately recognised; though I don't know to whom it belonged. I wanted to go. I said, "Oh yes! But only if Peter isn't angry with God." I said this because Peter and I were very very close. We had no children. There was just the two of us. As soon as I had said that, 'Wham' - I was back in my body!

In this experience I could feel the difference between my body and me. I was shoved into this thing (my body) and it hurt. Oh God, it hurt! I shouted, "Allah" three times. I really didn't want to be back in my body then. But it was serious. There was no bargaining. I had said it and that was that.

So Peter would have been angry with God if you had gone.

Evidently. I couldn't face the idea of Peter not doing Latihan. I cried "Allah" three times and put my head down in the snow. Then I lifted my head and saw this guy walking towards me. He had walkie-talkie in his hand and was ordering supplies. I didn't know how bad I was; I just knew I hurt. Oh boy, did I hurt! The contrast between 'me' and 'my body' was marked. It was amazing. I felt like I was in a shell.

I had no face left evidently. One guy came up to me and said, "What can I do? What can I do?" I said, "Well find my caps." My teeth had been capped. I could feel that I didn't have any teeth. I thought the caps came off and that was it. Imagine this poor kid looking at the bloody snow? So he said, "I can't find your caps lady. I'm sorry!" I said, "Don't worry about it. It's all right."

They put me on a sled. I'd always wondered when I had seen people being sledded downhill after an accident what thoughts could be passing through their heads. It dawned on me. One doesn't really care. One is just glad to be on the way down to a hospital or to a doctor. I didn't know. I really didn't know.

They brought me into an emergency room and the doctor went to pieces. Then I knew I was in a very bad shape because he couldn't take it! He walked out! I was lying on a table and my left eye was very bad. I started to go into shock and said, "Don't let my husband see me like this." Because when the doctor walked out. I knew I must have looked really bad.

In walked Peter. His eyes were filled with tears but they didn't spill. He said, "Hi honey". I kept saying, "I'm sorry Peter." And I was. It was his birthday for God's sake. He said, "Don't say that?" But that's all I could say, "I'm sorry."

The nurse was trying to give me a shot. I was in shock and starting to bounce on the table. It takes a lot to bounce in ski boots and ski gear. I was shivering. She was so upset that she dropped the syringe. Peter rubbed the nurse's back to calm her down. Finally she refilled the syringe and gave me a shot which I think saved my life because you can die of shock.

We were in an ambulance at one point and I was thinking. 'What's Peter going to say if I've lost my eye?' Peter was thinking, 'She's an artist. What's she going to do when she knows she's lost her eye?' We thought the fluid leaking out of my left eye was the eyeball fluid. I broke everything in the organ. I had three loops to hold the eye in place while the cheek mended. They're still there. I have screws in my leg. I was a mess. I had broken ribs, a broken collarbone, both legs broken Small bones were broken in my left foot and both bones were broken in my right leg. That's why I have screws in there. Poor Peter, my God.

I'm lucky to be alive. The ambulance brought me to Reno. It was strange. I remember that when they wheeled me in a young man grabbed my hand and said, "I've got to do something!" I said. "Just hold my hand." He did. It was sweet. That's when I found out I still had my eye. I opened the eye. The doctors said, "Can you see me?" I said, "Yeah." The doctor said, "Fine." Then they wheeled me off to surgery. I screamed, "Don't let them take out my eye." Peter said, "Your eye is fine. They're not going to take out your eye." That was the first time he knew that I knew about my eye.

I had a girl stay in my room the whole time I was mending. She said she was a nurse's aid. She was getting her licence and was writing me up as part of her work. She'd never seen so many doctors in one surgery as attended me. There was a plastic surgeon, neurologist and many others. They were all busy. The anaesthesiologist took the stones out of my face. Prio lived in America at the time. He organised everyone to do Latihan for me while I was in surgery - everyone in all of California which they did. I was a week in the hospital.

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