12. Oksana and Patricia talk in California about old age

Oksana you are from the Ukraine. What is it that you told me about old age?

I talked to you of my experience of meeting older people in Subud when they first came to my country. Before that, I had always had a negative attitude to old people. It may be that this negativity is the result of meeting older people, in the main, who were unhappy and carried a future of hopelessness. They never laughed. There seemed little for them to look forward to in the future. As a consequence, I did not look forward to growing up and becoming old.

You felt you dreaded getting older?

I was happy because I was young. But I definitely felt negative towards the whole process of growing up and becoming older. It was a mystery to me as to how I was going to cope with maturity. What was going to happen to me when I became old? Why should I become unhappy? I had never had the chance to see anyone enjoy old age.

Then I met Sira. It was a new experience for me to see how light, bright, wise and happy a person can be in old age. Yet it was quite a peculiar sensation and it fascinated me. Later on, when I met you, Patricia, and Matthew, and a lot of other older people, I became really interested in the lives of old people.

I realise that, being in Subud doesn't mean that I'll become that way for certain, but what I'm trying to say is that it could be an option. I see this as a sign that if I'm lucky or if I'm persistent enough, or if I surrender in the right way and, if I put a lot of effort into it, I have a chance when I'm older to be even happier than when I was younger! That idea appeals to me!

It really changes my whole attitude towards life in general. In fact, for me, it has been the most important insight to be gained from the first part of my Subud life. It began a couple of months after I came to Subud.

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