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Extracts from Interviews:-
11. Ruzena and Patricia meet at Wisma Mulia UK
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The very next day, John Bennett who directed the Gurdjieff work came and gave us a talk about Subud and I knew that this was my next step!
I was very connected with Coombe Springs at that time so I was there when Bapak gave his first talk. I understood it and I knew Subud was for me. Some people did not take to it. I was friends with Mariam who later went to live in Wisma Subud in Cilandak in Jakarta, Indonesia. After three years, I found that I could accept the Latihan although I did not understand it. I felt that when there was really something important to understand, I knew it from my inner.
I was thinking recently just how lucky I was to realise in 1945 that I had to leave Czechoslovakia and come to London even though everyone had tried to make me change my mind, telling me there was no need to leave home since we were free from war etc. But through this decision, I came to London and then was able to come into Subud as I have explained.
So now I was in Subud. Three years later I had the experience of saying my childhood prayers before going to sleep but after a while I got out of bed and was consciously saying my prayers. Then I realised that I had to go back to my faith. Bapak was always advising us that Subud is not a cult or a religion and that we should follow our own religion and if we follow the Latihan diligently we will understand our own religion better.
Here was the proof of my Latihan because I was sent back to my own religion. It is something, I believe, each of us has to do in time. I suddenly had the feeling I had to go into a convent. I had never thought of doing such a thing before. I got the names of some convents and went from one convent to another and spent a week of my holiday in one of the convents. The Reverend Mother there liked me and introduced me to the Chaplain.
But as I was already fifty years old, he was not encouraging and the Reverend Mother discussed my entry with the Bishop. When I was told that the Bishop did not advise my entry to the Convent, I burst out crying. They then told me the main reason I was refused entry was because all the nuns in the convent were in their fifties and the Bishop was worried that the Convent Community was too old and there was a real need for younger nuns.
However, they then directed me to Stanbrook, a contemplative nunnery of the Benedictine order, where I met the Abbess. We liked each other and I was accepted there.
I was there for six years and it was a very satisfying life but I felt it was time for me to move on, so I asked Mariam to ask Bapak if I should leave the Convent or stay on.
Bapak's reply was that it was time for me to leave the Convent but I would know when. Then one day I met our Confessor and told him of my feelings to leave the Convent.
"How long have you been here" he asked. I said, "Seven years." He then said, "You are formed now and you may leave; you may go."
The Abbess said, "I can't keep you but you are wasting your
vocation" But I knew she really understood. I then went
back to London and to the profession in which I was trained which
was the massage of the face. It is very therapeutic for the client
and masseuse psychologically, physically, mentally and emotionally.
I loved doing this work.
When you were in the Benedictine Convent did you feel this
was a preparation for something?
I had said I have to give my life to this way of life but then
Almighty God pushed me out of the Convent. It had nothing to
do with me. I had felt a push to go into the Convent and I felt
the same push to leave. I did nor ask for it. I did not know
I was going to do this.
What did your parents think of all of this?
My mother died when I left the Convent. My father wrote to me,
"How can you do this - going in and out - can't you make
up your mind?" He could not understand my actions but then
I could not understand them either. My heart was still in Stanbrook
in the Convent. I was doing my job outside and visiting the Convent
as much as I could.
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