 |
Extracts from Interviews:-
8. Rosalind and Patricia in Durban, South Africa
---------------------------
The first person I heard speak about Subud was Hilda. I didn't really need to hear anyone speak on Subud because I already knew it was for me. I was duly opened and I knew that this was my life. Then my husband also joined.
I had felt that I had made a great mistake marrying my husband, but I had three lovely children. For the first ten months in Subud I felt, I could really love him. But then one day he came to me and said "I no longer need you. I no longer love you." I was able to realise that he was now getting his independence.
Instead of standing on his own feet, however, he had sought someone else and eventually we broke up. Just before we parted, I wrote to Bapak and explained our situation. Bapak wrote back and said that we were going through purification.
He advised me to do the Latihan twice a week with a group and three times on my own for an hour before going to bed. I was desperate at the time. And my husband was advised to do the Latihan twice a week and twice on his own but he must do it with more sincerity. My husband left Subud.
Bapak also wrote in the letter, "God knows the state you're in, so do not think about it." I used to say this to myself and stop myself from thinking. I followed Bapak's advice religiously - and I did the Latihan three times a week on my own for an hour before sleeping.
I remember at the time feeling frightened, as if there was something under the bed, but I persevered with this and it lifted me to such an extent that it was almost as if I was in love, but not with anybody. Everything was marvellous. I was looking well. In the meantime, my life became fragmented . People would come and commiserate and I would have to pretend it was awful. But I was feeling absolutely on top of the world. And this got me through all that period. I think I did it for a year! I wasn't frightened of anything. I never worried. So it got me through all of this.
Money-wise, I wasn't even concerned , although it was tricky at that stage. I was left my house and a small amount from my ex-husband's family. Then I was able to work from home. First, I did homeopathy. Then I started my art seriously, and finally I began teaching which I'd never done before. It all came without thought, without planning. With my teaching I started with three pupils. I've never advertised but my work expanded.
How many pupils do you have now?
I did have 24. I've got 20 now. Also, I sell my paintings.
Of course, South Africa's been through this hard trouble. The
last two years haven't been easy, but it's been all right.
Have you felt that the Latihan has really helped you? Has
it inspired your painting?
People always say that they feel very calm and peaceful looking
at my paintings. And if they possess my paintings, they say that
they look at them and immediately feel calm. So I suppose it is
worked through... although I've never experienced my brush taking
over or anything extraordinary. My pupils say I'm improving all
the time.
When you were first opened, what did you feel about the
Latihan? Was it strange for you?
I was really one of the fortunate ones. When a helper said, "Begin", I had a current going right through me and my arms started to move up. Then I thought, 'I'm doing this,' so I put them down and then relaxed, let go, and it happened again. So I've had movement and feeling right from the start. I was lucky.
For the first three months, my whole Latihan was weeping. I really wept, but I wouldn't know what I was weeping for and I would feel fine afterwards. I asked Bapak or Sharif or someone what it meant. The answer was, "Well you're weeping for your family, you're weeping for your friends, you're weeping for the country." It was a very deep sorrow. But afterwards I felt fine.
------------------------------
