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Extracts from Interviews:-
6. Marston and Patricia in San Francisco
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I was looking for books about mime and I found one by Richmond Shepherd who is a Subud member. I noticed in the book that he was in Los Angeles. I thought it would be a great thing to bring Richmond to Albuquerque and for him to give a workshop. So he came. After the first day of the workshop he said, "Could I have a phone book? I want to look up the Subud group here." Everybody asked, "What? What is Subud?" So we had a coffee break.
We all sat around in a circle and Richmond gave us all an explanation of Subud, very openly. He's always been very verbal about Subud. So he told people about Subud and that he was going to do this thing called the Latihan.
I didn't feel there was any space in me for it. It sounded very strange and I didn't immediately think anything of it. But four members of the company went off and got opened within the next two months, because of what Richmond had said. So they kept coming back to our rehearsals and they kept talking about the incredible experiences they were having. I kept thinking, "I don't have time for this", I was running the company. So I didn't show any interest.
Then one night they said, "We're going to Subud. Do you want to come and find out about it?" And there was something in me that said, "You should find out about this. Do this." So I went that night and I met a Subud helper named Simon and a man who is now a very famous international architect, Antoine Pradock. Antoine still lives in Albuquerque. Simon was a Japanese fellow who was a helper. I'm not even sure he's still in Subud.
They sat down with me and for 15 or 20 minutes gave me this wonderful explanation! In fact, I've never heard a helper give an explanation like the one they gave me. It was the simplest, most beautiful explanation of the Latihan that I have ever heard.
I realised that this was really an important thing for me. When they said that the Latihan was a free-form worship of God, where you could receive directly, and people of all faiths had received this, I knew that this was something extraordinary.
They didn't talk about Bapak. They didn't talk about anything. A very simple message came to me. Then they said, "Well, every night we'll have a Latihan here."
In those days you sat outside the Latihan hall. So I would sit in the parking area and I would lean my chair against a wall of the Latihan hall and I would listen to the men doing Latihan. Out there with the stars overhead, I would lean against the wall and listen.
After about two months of this three-month probation, I started feeling the Latihan. I realised that I was being opened. My arms were beginning to move. I was experiencing movements and strange feelings in my body.
In those days also, they always tested whether you should be opened or not. So when my three months were up they tested and got a "no" This was a terrible blow to me. I had thought that after all those years of spiritual experiences which had come to me that somehow I was really higher than others, and somehow, I should have a direct line to God already (laughter), so what was this? What I found out later was that it really was not so much me, but it was the condition of the helpers themselves who were not ready. They told me this later. But it was what I really needed, I think, because it took the wind out of my sails, so to speak. I realised that my spiritual pride was hurt and I hadn't realised that I had any spiritual pride!
Later I realised that this was really important. It was really wonderful that they had put me through that terrible experience. For me it was a very difficult test. I assumed that they would keep testing and keep getting "no", because they got "no" once, and maybe I would never experience the Latihan.
A few months later they tested again and I was opened. My opening
was very powerful because I'd already started feeling the Latihan.
I'd probably been feeling the Latihan for at least a month or
two. The Latihan itself was stupendous and there was no doubt
that this was something fantastic and that it was going to be
life-changing. I immediately began having experiences and dreams
that were unlike anything I had experienced.
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further extracts
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I had done a lot of mime and dancing. I was a tap dancer from the age of 7 to 16 when I was a child. I'd always had a very creative life. So the Latihan to me was a spiritual exploration where, in this empty space you would create by getting quiet......the Latihan would come and fill you and you would receive all these various movements, song, guidance. It was just life-changing and powerful.
Albuquerque was a very small group and it was disconnected from what was happening in Subud anywhere else. One interesting fact was that I had felt in the early Latihan and also in my few experiences with Subud women that I was going to marry a Subud women.
There was no doubt in my mind that there was something different about Subud women. They were unlike any women I had ever met. I couldn't put my finger on it. I just knew that there was something fine about Subud women. Whether I stayed in Subud or not, my wife would be a Subud woman.
When Hadijah came, we had a whirlwind romance where it seemed
our inner fell in love. Our outers came together later. We really
had this strange thing where we both felt we were to be married
but could not figure out why. There was some romantic attraction
and yet not! Our feeling for each other was on a much deeper
level.
You're very lucky.
Yes. I think that's why our marriage has been so solid and lasted
so long because it came from that place.
Yes.
Also we immediately realised that we could be great friends!
Quite rare, I would think in Subud today for people to feel
that kind of contact. Maybe some of the younger people are getting
it now.
In her six years of Latihan, before I met her, Hadijah had been totally transformed by the Latihan. When she told me her story I felt, "WOW! I knew there was reality in this Latihan experience, but here is living proof of it."
To see how she had gone from alcoholism and life in Las Vegas to being transformed! Here was someone the Latihan had really worked on and the Power of God had changed. Knowing this, helped because it connected me to the context of Subud in a much greater way than in that little Subud group.
Hadijah immediately said, "Why are you here? You should be somewhere else. Why are you doing mime?" She pulled the rug out from under me. "Why are you in Albuquerque? Why aren't you in Los Angeles or somewhere?" She started making me look at what I was doing.
So I ended up quitting the company, and we moved to California. Many changes took place there. We got involved with Subud in California, which is much bigger and I began to realise a lot about Subud in terms of its outer form or organisation.
I became Treasurer of Subud California two years after moving
there, and I've been working in the organisation ever since, and
loving it! Each year, I grow more committed to what the Latihan
is and how important it is in the world
How do you feel the Latihan influenced you in relation
to your work? Did you feel you got direction from it?
Yes. One thing I was able to do for the first time in California was testing which I had never experienced before. There weren't a lot of helpers available. Sometimes, I would just receive for myself. I would do what is called a Latihan with intention. I would do the Latihan and ask something. I would ask questions related to work. I asked, "What is the content of mime?" and got some extraordinary insights into what this art form was and the root of this art form.
All sorts of other things were coming to me. It was very life-changing. You know, its very hard to tell for yourself how much you've changed. Though certain parts of the Latihan can be very fast, it's a very slow process of change. It's like the unfolding of a flower in time-lapse photography. You can speed it up, but it's so slow that as each petal opens, you don't know that a petal has opened.
Hadijah and I look at each other through the years. We can see
that there's so little about who we are now and who we were then
that's the same, and we know that it's the Latihan that has done
this. We meet people who we knew years ago who have not been
doing the Latihan and they're still very much the same. They
haven't grown or changed.
So you feel that Latihan changes you. Do you change in
a Christian way?
Well, Hadijah became a Moslem. Right now I'm not active in a
Christian church, but I receive a lot of Christian things. Strangely
enough, I also receive a lot of Moslem things in my Latihan.
I also receive a lot of Native American things.
But as far as changing your nature or character goes?
What I understand from listening to people who knew me in those days is that I was extremely nervous, agitated, very goal-oriented. I was constantly trying to build something and sometimes it was very disturbing to people, because I was always in an agitated state. I didn't have any peace.
The difference now is that I'm much more at peace on the inner
and I know that's the Latihan, because the more connected you
become in the Latihan through the worship of God, the more connected
to everything and everyone you become.
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